I volunteer as a dinner lady at my daughters' school.
I did it out of sheer desperation. I had no idea what was going on at that hallowed institution – my daughter offers very little insight.
Before being a dinner lady, this is how our conversations would go as we made our way home:
Me: “how was school today, sweetie?”
Daughter: (looking around to see if any of her friends were still on the school premises; she spots one) “Hello Ella!”
This week, the very lovely Mr. B. took me to Nirvana Spa to celebrate our wedding anniversary (he also bought me smellies while we were there – how good is he?). After a day at the spa, I was feeling just about as mellow as you can get. Let me tell you about it...
Nirvana Spa is a day spa in Berkshire just outside Reading, a short distance from the M4, Junction 10. For me, it is no more than a 15 minute drive away – temptingly close. This is not the first time I have been (oh, no!) but every time I go, I feel refreshed and relaxed. It's a sure fire way to chill me out.
Nirvana spa's unique selling point is their 'Floatation' experience. Lie back, chill out and float about care-free in a darkened room. The first time I tried it, I remembered all too late that I was allergic to mineral products so the salty, mineral-heavy water irritated my skin. The experience is really not very relaxing when you are trying hard not to scratch and not to bump into other people in the darkness.
I love coffee mornings. Women get together and discuss all sorts of things that they wouldn’t dream of mentioning on the playground or at a dinner party.
This week the topics drifted from Sarah Palin (the UK is actually frightened) to Jerusalem artichokes (I had no idea!) to threadworms.
My ears perked up when the discussion turned to threadworms. It’s one of those topics people don’t often talk about in public, like flatulence, headlice, and sex.
It turns out that threadworms (knows as "pinworms" in the US) are quite common in the UK, and most of the mums at the coffee morning had dealt with them at one point.
Oh, my.
A couple of my daughters have been complaining lately of itching “down there” and I had put it down to, how shall I say this, a lack of understanding on how to use toilet paper properly.
This week, one of my bestest pals in the whole wide world announced that he is going to become a Daddy later this year. After a few hours of squealing with excitement, giggling to myself (my colleagues were giving me funny looks by this point) and generally smiling from ear-to-ear, I stopped to think about what advice I could offer a couple just starting out on their pregnancy and parenting adventure.
I could tell them to take advantage of any free baby bits and pieces they may be offered over the next few months. I could recommend they fill their freezer with lots of home-cooked meals (sans onion) to help them survive the first few days. I could scare them with humiliating stories of mummy-dom. I have lots of tips and advice on Mummy, Baby and Daddy products to buy (or not). But I don't want to overwhelm them with information at such an early stage in proceedings.
2. Taking 15 minutes to get the children and myself ready so we can walk 40 metres to the postbox to post a letter
3. Having to read two books to two children at the same time
4. Stripping off a baby who's had a huge nappy explosion while wearing my most glamorous outfit at a friend's wedding
5. Getting my course notes out at an evening class to discover I can hardly read them because they've been covered in red marker pen
By having three children I've created - argh! - a middle child. I've heard it's not very nice being in the middle. My sister is a middle child and I asked her recently what it's like. Her reply began with "I'm not bitter, but..." In summary she said that the eldest one gets attention and the youngest one gets attention and the middle one doesn't because they're... in the middle.
Surely if you have three children then there's always going to be one left out? A lot of the time this could be the youngest because they're not old enough to do the things the other siblings do. But maybe this is compensated by the youngest getting more attention because they're the 'baby' of the family. Maybe an odd number of children is never a good idea? Maybe you should always aim for an even number? Maybe we should have a fourth? (little chance of that I think, husband has been mentioning the 's' word).
I have pretty much everything I want. Lucky girl. So, the only thing I asked Santa for this year was a White Christmas. I figured thin thighs and a flat tum would be beyond his magical powers. Especially in my condition.
I didn't expect to get what I wished for.
It snowed a few days before Christmas. Proper thick snow that fell 6 inches deep and stayed put. For days.
Els got really excited then realised that snow is horribly cold and hard to play with when a) you only have woollen mittens not waterproof ones and b) there's only your mum to play with.
